Losing weight is simple.
It’s science and maths, eat a bit less or move a bit more, do a bit of both over a period of time and you’ll lose weight. There will come a point where you may plateau however a simple recalculation will solve that.
The obstacle really lies in re-shaping your self, your beliefs and what you believe you have to live up to. However you can reshape your beliefs just like you can reshape your body too.
A client once told me she was unable to stop binge drinking because she thought her friends would befriend her. She told me that her friends had made comments in the past such as, “You are so funny when you’re pissed!” and “We have so much more fun when we’re out drinking with you!” those comments helped her to believe binge drinking gave her a sense of purpose, she felt it was a part of who she was and it was what she was good at. I mean who doesn’t like being told they’re fun and funny?
Now binge drinking never actually became an obstacle until this client started to lose weight.
I coached this client for a few months and at first we kept things simple, have a PT session then exercise 1-2 times on top of that if she could. She noticed her fitness levels increase, no more feeling out of puff after going up the stairs. Her strength went up and was able to do 2 full press ups after 5 weeks. Lunch went from Greggs sausage rolls & muffins to chicken pasta salads & fresh fruit. She was reshaping who she was and taking care of self because her health had become valuable to her. The reward? Weight loss.
After a while she became quite frustrated because her binge drinking on the weekends was becoming disruptive to her new lifestyle, it was the only obstacle that she felt was setting her back from truly valuing herself.
In the week she felt great but it was the weekends that let her down physically and mentally. She was frustrated with this cycle because she wanted to feel great every single day. Most of her weekends were spent nursing a very sore head which led her to having a lack of desire to do anything other than sleep and eat. She was frustrated because she felt she was devaluing her “hard work”. She knew that she had to change what she practised and valued over the weekends.
We spoke deeply about her beliefs such as, why thought she had to live up to being the fun and funny friend all of the time? Couldn’t that friend just come out to play once in while? What made her believe she wasn’t fun and funny without a drink? What did she think her friends thought of her without a drink? We talked quite deeply about this for a good few weeks, months even. After exploring the why’s and what if’s she felt a shift, she felt like she could do something about it.
See your beliefs aren’t always true. What you believe about yourself right now could be made up of a collection of years of self-bullying and self-abuse for eg. “I’m a fat cow I’ll never lose weight” – you’re not and that’s just not true.
My client decided it was time to let go of her binge drinking fun buddy belief. She told her friends that she would be a taxi on their next girls night out, she would go out for meals and opt for just 1 alcoholic drink and she spent her weekends no longer being hungover. Once in a while, her party self would come out to play but this time it was because she wanted to, not because she felt like she had to. It was scary being sober, she felt anxious and often on nights out a little more self-conscious, “what do they think of me?” she often thought but it turns out they were too drunk to even comprehend that thought.
4-5 years later this client really values her health, fitness, and wellness because it makes her feel great. She attends the gym without me by her side 3-4 times a week and she’s lost over 2 stone. She still has the same group of friends and they have been astonished by her transformation. At first not being the big drinker they all loved was challenging but the more time she spent time valuing who she was and reshaping her beliefs the less of a challenge it became. She realised she was actually fun and funny without a drink and the reward she got from practicing how she valued herself was too good not to value!
Over to you now.
Are you the party animal? The Friday night after work pub drinker? The all you can eat’er?
Do you believe you need to live up to others expectations? Are you a “yes” person because you think people might not like you if you say “no”?
You don’t have to be, do or believe any of these.
Beliefs are strong but they can be shaped.
Shaping what you want to believe about yourself starts with understanding what and who you value.
So ask yourself now:
Do I value myself?
How do I practice this value?
You can choose how you value your life.
You can change the beliefs of others and if your values no longer align with theirs it’s not a problem, you are not the problem either, you just have different values and that’s ok! Everyone is entitled to valuing their life in their own way, but just remember trying to please others by living up what their values isn’t good practice.
It’s ok to say “I don’t like this about myself I am going to change it” that’s empowering, it gives you great freedom and sometimes we have to give ourselves the permission to change.
What is the obstacle that shapes your beliefs right now?
Does this obstacle align with or hinder your values?
It’s time to put yourself first.